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(no subject) [Feb. 27th, 2011|01:55 am]
So I am really drunk right now, but I swear this unusual, rare post does not cheapen the comment I left for you( you know who you are:), which was sincere, more sincere than I've allowed myself to be in a long time-(a lifetime?) But that was not the only sincere( now im thinking and the words are stymied--how I hate myself) remark I've made tonight. Perhaps alcohol truly does lubricate my mind and allow an openness that is otherwise found wanting, plus I can blame any grammatical mistake or misstep of any nature on the booze. For the moment, the self-loathing is kept at hands length. I don't have to be perfect, there is no overwhelming drive to strive for excellence. I can just be, which under normal circumstances is anathema to me. No games to play with myself or anyone else. Its a brief reprieve, one that I wish would become less a reprieve than a state of being, but my poor liver and other organs riding sidecar when I imbibe could not handle the abuse. Doomed. I can already feel that return to the ordinary way of being. Fuck, I truly may be a better person when sloshed. I don't even think that disturbs me. Soon I will be back in my hyper-critical hyper-literate state of mind ready to destroy all. I just remembered I have reoccurring dreams about waterways and(I'm starting to reread everything I write and edit- the medicine is wearing off--damn my metabolism!) in every dream there is some dam of varying size. I am cast into the water and end up either sinking or swimming. Almost always I am hunted. What does it mean?
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(no subject) [Oct. 13th, 2010|01:18 am]
The bats are dying. We are fucked.
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(no subject) [Aug. 22nd, 2009|12:21 pm]
I have "no marketable skills."
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(no subject) [Aug. 2nd, 2009|10:43 am]
So I have one song fully fleshed out and recorded. It took way too long however. I have many songs I want to finish. I am tired of fucking around. I have enough songs for 2 or 3 albums at this point. I am not getting the work done I want. I have to contend with highway noise so I am limited to recording the more quiet things at night. Our roommate is also a hindrance. I am in a terrible mood often because I can't work. I just keep writing knew stuff without finishing the old. I can't go on recording only one song per month.
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(no subject) [Mar. 17th, 2009|02:32 am]
Ho hum. I feel devoid of all creative impulse. I fill the space with mindless television programs. I am not even reading.
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(no subject) [Dec. 31st, 2008|11:59 pm]
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(no subject) [Nov. 14th, 2008|03:03 am]
I wish I knew of a creative way to state how ordinary I am.
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(no subject) [Jul. 28th, 2007|09:49 am]
It is very difficult to have a relationship with my father. I just talked to him on the phone and it is obvious he doesn't care that the vineyard job I just quit for the summer has been killing my already inflammed hands. Music is not worthy pursuit. It doesn't matter to him that ninety percent of everyone who has heard my music believes I have potential. To his credit, despite this disbelief in my ability and worthwhileness of music, he has bankrolled my second stint in college. I am grateful for that, but I really think I rather have him respect what I am attempting than provide fiscal support.
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(no subject) [Jul. 15th, 2007|09:05 pm]
I let a friend borrow 200 dollars. He has borrowed money before and always paid me back, but for some reason I feel that this will be the time I never see it again. Its a shame because I was going to use that money for a preamp.
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(no subject) [Jul. 8th, 2007|08:47 pm]
Name ten albums that have been made in the last 10 years that are better than portishead's dummy.
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